Friday, October 9, 2009

Honesty Party!

I've been on the fence for a long time about how much of myself to put into this blog. Should I trust my poker hand and go all in or should i hang back and save a couple chips for the river? Should I write the bolg more for myself and make it a bit more meaty and emotional or just stick with posting a good pancake recipe once a week?

At first, it seemed a god decision to go gung ho, just emote all over the internet and talk about anything and everything that bothers me and end every paragraph with 'why am I like this/what should I do?" in all caps AND underlined. You now i was serious because that is pretty much the internet equivelent of screaming at the top of my LUUUUUNGS (im giving it baaa-aack <--- thanks Mandy Moore) Then i paused and realized this blog is on the WORLD wide web, and though of how many people are actually in the world. The answer? Hundereds..... there are literally, hundreds. Some of those people may be my future employers and others may be the women i eventually want to make a good impression on through the world of speed-dating. I'm a realist, what can I say. So, i decided to add a bit more of myself into these pages but not go all in. Hopefully this doesn't turn out like last nights baked potato and blow up in my face. That being said, i have realized that i need to get more sleep. Part of me feels like im just whining and should 'man up', but then im remembered of two things. The first being that its not about manning up, more about what is needed by each 'man'. Meaning, you may work fine off three hours of slumber and thats totally cool... more power to you. To be honest, i do "okay" on three hours as well.... but I'm the best i can be when i get seven or eight. And, as with the mighty pancake, it is not about how long they take to get on the table but rather how tastey they are. I would like to be tastey pleeeeease. Secondly, while i may not be the best 'philosophizer' i like to think i am smart enough to remember some good advice when i hear it. Some such advice stems from this genius. She once told me: "The human body has three necessities; food, sex and sleep." The first two will have to be saved for a later posting and the third is abviously important since it is dubbed 'necessity'. Therefore; more sleep is necessary.

Why did i feel the need to vindicate something that seems so trivial? Well, due to lack of sleep my brain tends to not be in the greatest state. I dont think clearly and im moody beyond all reason. It gets really bad the more I try to remedy whatever i believe to be bothering me since it just makes me more introverted and results in overthinking to the maxxxx. I can tell this because iv;e been stressing out over things i can't control (the future, other people, lifetime goals, etc) and the second is that im in a depression about lack of 'happenings' going on in my life while simultaneously having no motivation to move from the couch to do much of anything. It's time to be selfish and take care of me, which is something I neglect to do WAY more than i should... much to my detriment. Therefore, i would like to take this opportunity to apolgize to my body or not treating it as well as it deserves and make a promise to be nicer to it. A promise I WILL follow through with this time... after all, this is the one make/model that can't be traded in.

Speaking of taking care of the bod, many of you will remember the recent change in my diet to a way of veganism, meaning no meat, eggs or dairy. Think about how much that entails in todays society..... got it? Yeah, no those. Needless to say, its been a decision met with a lot of discussion and concern from friends/family. "How can you not have meat? Are you getting enough nutrition?" Now, Perhaps this is a decision best made for when i am adequately nourished/rested so we will definiely hit upon this subject later. But for now... its something to think about. Should the PanClayke stay cruelty-free? Only time will tell

OMG! CHALLENGE! Im watching Rachel Ray (no judging) and i just noticed her 'whats for dinner tonight' for monday is a... get this crap..... Chicken Pot Pie Pancake. Now granted, my original recipe has yet to be put into circulation yet, but it also means that there is something wonerful coming your way this weekend! I will, however, be changing the name of the recipe to P-Cubed (pot pie pancakes) as opposed to the earlier renditions name (chicken and dump-cakes). In retrospect, the aforementioned recipe name sounds like a show for Nicelodeon about a wimpy kid and his smelly friend. I think it is fair to say though that the Nick Network could use a bit of revamp-age.

EDIT: This may be randomly disconnected but it was too short for a brand new post so i thought i would piggyback on the earlier one i wrote today just so i could have written records of it happening. What am I talking about? Well, im working a haunted house/ministry opportunity for my church starting this weekend where i play a drug dealer in a one minute scene. This is going to go on for about four straight hours. in the heat. over and over. maybe a five minute break on the hour. But ill tell you right now, i was having fun. People were getting into it and i actually started enjoying myself after a couple of runs... despite me being apprehensive about it as people kept talking about the event and all the hurdles we are going to have to hop over. Either way... I forgot how much i missed acting. Along with the promise to treat myself better is going to have to be the promise of not forgetting what im good at and why I am here in the first place. Could i do other things? Sure... but who would ever want to is my question.


  1. I know what you mean by worrying about whether to put "too much of yourself" into your blog. I have often debated about using more personal stories and thoughts because I begin to trust my readers-- the ones I know through commenting. But when you think about it, the people commenting may be only a small percentage of readers! The thought of zillions of other people now and in the future reading more about me than what I eat seems frightening :P

    wtf are you doing on 3 hours of sleep? GET IN BED! (not a sexual suggestion or a fortune cookie)

  2. I often worry that I'm far too open on my blog because I do literally put EVERYTHING on there...I totally open up and often forget how many people could be reading...but then again, sometimes it's helpful in learning how to better understand yourself. Baring your soul can be a double-edged sword, but spending your life trying to hide who you truly are is no way to live (not saying this is what you're doing, but it's what I've done in the past!) I never put anything on there that I wouldn't want others to know...if anything, I'd rather people knew about what goes on beneath the facade because exteriors can be so misleading. The chance to mediate what is said in terms of writing is brilliant for someone who can't communicate well verbally and often says the opposite of what she means.

    I'd love to hear more about the man behind the pancakes but you need to do what you're most comfortable with. As for 'manning-up', I think it's terrible that too many men feel they aren't allowed to show 'weakness' through emotion. Real men laugh but real men also cry and aren't afraid to show they're...well, afraid. Denying feelings, no matter how negative is so destructive...please don't fall into that trap!

    Also, rest up and take care of yourself ~ insomniacs like me might be able to function on three hours but for the majority that's more like sleep deprivation / torture!

    Veganism is a totally personal choice, but I would say that your family's views are probably misguided ~ I'm sure they have your best interests at heart but most people are totally oblivious to the many benefits of a vegan diet and as long as you're getting adequate calories and managing your eating correctly then they have nothing to worry about. It's fantastic to see a guy so dedicated to being cruelty free! Even so, I'd go by how you feel emotionally and physically ~ that's what truly matters.


  3. 3:15 AM?? WORK WITH ME HERE

    Also, HEB can go to hell because they stopped carrying carob chips in their bulk bin section. But I do love that you know HEB :P

  4. I have put too much in before, and I deleted said entry. I completely agree on where you're coming from. But I have a lot of people from my "real life" read this, so I edit in many ways. But, I don't lie about anything, and that's really all that's important, right?

  5. i have to say i am loving your thoughts - i have struggled with this very same issue. too much? not enough? i think i have struck a good balance but i am definitely NOT one to put it all out there. you just never know!